The new semester often starts out with shiny new stationery, promising yourself that you won’t try to pass off coffee as a meal, and that you won’t turn sweatpants into a uniform. This post marks my sixth week as a college student, and my definition of self-care has officially turned into ‘Let’s get coffee!’ with Lucy. Amidst this whirlwind of assignments, midterms and virtual lectures, all while staring into a laptop screen for hours, mental health often takes a backseat - not just your own, but also the friends you meet less frequently, courtesy of the pandemic.  

Here’s what on-campus counsellors Jessica Griffin and Nichole Pickett have to say about being there for your friends amid transitions, big and small: 

If I have a friend who I can see seriously struggling with their mental health, how should I talk to them about getting help?  

Here’s two resources http://jack.org/ and https://bethere.org/Be-There-Basics on how to support a peer who is struggling with their mental health. Their ‘Be There’ campaign includes The Golden Rules of how to start this conversation and connect a person to help. 

How do I know when one of my friends is feeling uncomfortable or anxious when grades are being discussed in a large group? How do I know when one of my friends is feeling uncomfortable or anxious when test content and material is being discussed the night before a big exam?  

To know if someone around is uncomfortable, look out for signs and nonverbal cues such as fidgeting, or a behavioural response such as a student leaving the gathering space. Additionally,  a student may directly ask for the subject to be changed or may become silent during a conversation. Discussing exam related stress and marks can be common during midterms and exams but it’s not always helpful. Try to focus on healthy stress management strategies such as going for a walk together outside and ensuring you’re eating regularly, sleeping, and staying hydrated. 

How can I tackle my own compassion fatigue?  

To tackle compassion fatigue you really have to understand and manage your personal/professional boundaries. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. Boundaries can be difficult to set at first, but they’re important to protect your energy and wellbeing. Jessica also recommends becoming familiar with campus wellness resources to enhance your community of care and to develop a self-care plan that is meaningful to you. 

What are some steps that I can take in an emergency (for example, a friend having a panic attack)? 

When supporting anyone during emergency it is important to remain as calm as possible, assess the situation for risk to yourself or others, get the person to safety (if possible), and contact the relevant emergency department. For panic attacks, it is recommended to again remain calm and patient with the person. It is usually helpful to ask the person what they need and to not make assumptions, speak to them in short, simple sentences, be predictable, and help the person to breath by breathing slowly with them. It is also important to check-in after the attack and ensure you are caring for yourself after supporting someone. 

For most first year students, we are still in the process of meeting and making new friends. At a stage where we don’t yet fully trust or depend on one another, how can I support a friend who cannot open up to me entirely?  

It is important to be patient with meeting new friends. People have varying degrees of comfort opening and being vulnerable with others, time needed to establish trusting relationships, and may have some healthy boundaries set for themselves on this subject. You can work on building a healthy relationship that uses communication skills to ensure you are available to support them when needed. 

What can I do to help a friend with homesickness?  

To support a friend experiencing homesickness it would be important to let them know what they are experiencing is normal, encourage regular self-care and setting up a “new” routine and home, help get them connected to campus activities and resources, and encourage them to stay connected to friends and family at home, while maintaining new friendships at university. Again, it is always important to ensure the person would like your support first. 

Navigating this transition phase of our lives is challenging, this year more than ever. Ensure you give your mental health the attention it deserves by using the resources on campus for yourself - and be empathetic towards those around you as well!